Inside Khyber Waterman

Inside Khyber Waterman is a Flarlandian comedy sketch/sitcom series made by Couch Slave Entertainment that ran on FBC 3 from October to November 1993. It was co-written and presented by prolific merman comedian and writer Khyber Waterman. It ran for five episodes, and was only repeated once on the same channel from January to February 1995.

Premise

The series was set in the Terry Matkin Memorial Zip Injury Wing at John Reith's Hospital for Distressed Broadcasters, an FBC-owned hospital. One of its residents is an apparent human caricature of Khyber Waterman, who lies immobilised in a "comic coma" after a motorcycle crash.

In an attempt to stimulate his brain, the hospital staff play old FBC programs to him via a TV monitor plugged into his life support machine - but for some unexplained reason, he also starts playing the programs back, albeit with his warped sense of humour. This effectively makes him a one-man transmitter, which the FBC plan to use as an economical replacement for their current staff and equipment.

Meanwhile, inside Lewis-Smith's body, Khyber (the merman) himself embarks on a guided tour of the human Khyber's bloodstream in a miniature taxi, accompanied by an annoying taxi driver who doubles as a narrative linking device in-between sketches. Khyber regularly makes questions about human anatomy and how they can walk with their legs on.

By the end of the series, the human Khyber is seeing signs of recovery.

Segments

The episode begins with a fake announcement from Network Three (voiced by Khyber Waterman) preceding the program. The announcement is often interrupted by their "next door neighbors" (Network One and Network Two). In one of the episodes, a party is being held at Network One, inviting some Network Three staff, leaving Khyber alone. Occasionally jokes about Club X were made.

The I-Spy Book of...

A humorous guide on Khyber Waterman's own take on the world, presented as a visual equivalent of an I-Spy Book. Subjects include animals, fairgrounds, teenagers and the police.

Kith & Kin

Documentary on the lives of two people with the same last name.

The FBC Big Band's Old TV Theme Tunes

Each episode contains a musical interlude by the FBC Big Band, who perform various classic TV show theme tunes (FBC and otherwise) from the Music and Audio Phlegmy Therapy Room in John Reith's.

Episodes

The Beginning

The hospital staff discovers what happened to Khyber Waterman. The real Khyber takes the challenge to get inside the taxi inside the human Khyber, saying that he wants to go to the hospital, unaware that he is actually inside it. Accompanying Khyber on the taxi is Dean Kelly, who is desperate to collect money for the taxi driver's plans to tour other people in similar conditions to see if they can be able to survive. The human Khyber tells his story in media, starting from the time where he was a collector of time signal beeps (fresh, not frozen), followed by the "white dot" after the television closedown, the time he stood as the flag bearer at the FBC Television closedown, his body being used by The Body in Question, and the rise of the two Khybers. Before Khyber's accident, he was working at the car park of the FBC Television Center.

In this episode:

• Announcement: Network One has a birthday party (at age 43) and, despite Khyber being the only person in charge, he is aware of the Network Three staff being invited there. His announcement is interrupted by the party, claiming that "the walls have ears". Khyber then proceeds to try and stop the party from the other side of the wall, but the network is dissatisfied and believes that Club X is coming up next.
• The I-Spy Book of Animals
• Postman Crapper: Flarlandianized spoof of Postman Pat, joking at the Flarlandian Mail's delays at the time in rural areas.
• Kith & Kin: John and Dana Wilmsley
• The FBC Big Band's Old TV Theme Tunes performs Hunter 64.
• Prank call: Charles Manilow, Director-General of the Wembley Evening Telegraph

Legs Are a Useless Invention

It's Christmas, apparently in the middle of July, and the FBC hospital has to "stick with the schedules". Every Christmas, celebrities have to spend some time with sick children while trying to raise funds for the FBC Christmas Telethon. Joel Edmonds is ready to enter the facilities but desperately needs help from the administration. Meanwhile, in the taxi, they're in human Khyber's testicles, waiting for a stop-gap solution for the car to proceed to the desired part. Khyber is starting to pump the programs out, revealing that he's a transmitter. Apparently Khyber is broadcasting across the hospital.

• Announcement: Khyber Waterman gets interrupted by someone with irritable bowel syndrome whose voice invades Khyber's.
• FBC Coma Service: It's 1962 and the FBC Coma Service presents a song about the joys of living in 1962, and how to make a novelty record to play on the FBC.
• Middle Ages on FBC Radio 2: The FBC appeals to the middle-aged audience by dedicating Radio 2 to programming from the Middle Ages.
• Kith and Kin: Mr. and Mrs. Lumiere
• The FBC Big Band's Old TV Theme Tunes performs Cop Out.
• The I-Spy Book of Amusement Parks
• A new album from Frank Sinatra dedicated to people who tried to attend Flarlandian universities without any success.
• Cop In: The reverse of Cop Out, where two old cops have apparently been solving a mystery for ages.
• Hotel Pancreas: The Khybers stop at a pancreas where a hotel with an annoying pianist. After looking for a room, Khyber has a dream and seems to be coming back into character again.
• Prank Call: Monopolist Commission of Flarland

Wonder Where I Should Be Now

Upon leaving the hotel, the Khybers have a crappy discussion about football players and go to the intestine. The doctors are at the kitchen and are shocked by the recipes being made.

• Announcement: A quickie from Khyber, saying that there's no Club X.
• Prank Call: Khyber calls to the Omdalian consulate.
• The I-Spy Book of Teenage Problems
• The Singing Telegram: Your Grandmother has been burnt
• Probe: More chaos ahead?
• Kith and Kin: Joanna and Stuard Herd.
• Video Nasty: Spoof of Network One's popular Video Funny.
• The Singing Telegram (again)

Impact in Khyber's later work

Despite including segments from Club X, some of the segments appeared in the ill-fated Khyber's TV Show in the late 90s.